So we had a busy weekend and I really couldn't update but last Thursday evening we had our first chat with little man's birthmom on the phone. I spent the entire day totally nervous. I had no idea how it was going to go. I feel like I am, definitely, "so much cooler online" and probably not as interesting as our profile book. It was a very self-depricating day.
But you know what? It went GREAT. Like, better than great. Turns out she grew up in our area and we had a lot of talk about and connect on so that we could talk about the harder stuff. We've exchanged phone numbers and have texted back and forth a couple times since. Sometimes, I find myself wanting to text her. When someone buys something sweet for little man or like today when my mother in law took us to get some fabic to make his crib bedding. I want her to be able to share in it a bit so that she knows he'll be going to a family that will love and cherish him so, so much at the end of next month. But I'm not sure she'd want that. In a way, it's like beginning a dating relationship. Don't want to come on too stong but at the same time, you want the person to know you care, you are very in love with the life that she is carrying and care deeply about her and how she is doing. So we keep praying we are doing the right thing in terms of relating to her. Because, from what we have surmised from the past couple weeks, she seems to be a pretty amazing person, who loves this little boy very much but knows her limits and when she has met them. We always want to present her this way to him and hope we can continue to be able to give him access to her, whenever he feels like he needs questions answered about his life.
In the middle of this, we have been applying to grants like CRAZY in order that we might be able to be fully funded by the time little man makes his arrival. We've been anticipating this for so long, it's crazy that it's finally becoming real. Claire, at Babies R Us today, kept trying to pick out different things, "for baby brother." I had to hold her off, today, but will bring her back so that she can pick out something special to give to him.
I know this road is paved with twists and turns, but right now, we are enjoying the smooth highway and loving the connection we've made with little man's first mother.